Is it 8:10 yet?

With apologies to the Goons.

The Mysterious Punch-up-the-Conker (series 7, episode 18). About 25 minutes in the show, Bluebottle and Eccles are “in the ground floor attic” of a clock repairers. After listening to lots of timepieces ticking, chiming, cuckooing etc. for a while…

Bluebottle
What time is it Eccles?

Eccles
Err, just a minute. I, I’ve got it written down ‘ere on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time down for me this morning.

Bluebottle
Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you Eccles?

Eccles
Well, umm, if a anybody asks me the ti-ime, I ca-can show it to dem.

Bluebottle
Wait a minute Eccles, my good man…

Eccles
What is it fellow?

Bluebottle
It’s writted on this bit of paper, what is (eight o’clock) Brexit, is writted.

Eccles
I know that my good fellow. That’s right, um, when I asked the fella to write it down, it was (eight o’clock) Brexit.

Bluebottle
Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn’t Brexit (eight o’clock)?

Eccles
Ah, den I don’t show it to dem.

Bluebottle
Ooohhh…

Eccles
[Smacks lips] Yeah.

Bluebottle
Well how do you know when it’s Brexit (eight o’clock?)

Eccles
I’ve got it written down on a piece of paper!

Bluebottle
Oh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the will of the people (time) written on.

Eccles
Oohhhh.

Bluebottle
‘Ere Eccles?

Eccles
Yah.

Bluebottle
Let me hold that piece of paper to my ear would you? – ‘Ere. This piece of paper ain’t goin’.

Eccles
What? I’ve been sold a forgery!

Bluebottle
No wonder it stopped at Brexit (eight o’clock).

Eccles
Oh dear.

Bluebottle
You should get one of them tings my grandad’s got.

Eccles
Oooohhh?

Bluebottle
His firm give it to him when he retired.

Eccles
Oooohhh.

Bluebottle
It’s one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at Brexit (eight o’clock), boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.

Eccles
Ohhh yeah! What’s it called? Um.

Bluebottle
May (My granma).

Eccles
Ohh… Ohh, ah wait a minute. How does she know when it’s Brexit (eight o’clock)?

Bluebottle
She’s got it written down on a piece of paper!”

2017 Brexit Satire

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